Lego My Ego
I have a list of a thousand things–all good things–I want to do before I die. Sometimes I think I have to cram them all into one month.
When my activities start to overlap, things get pushed around: my priorities out of order, my finances out of line, my emotions out of control, and my back, well, just out.
I have a ready list of excuses too.
- If I don’t do this, no one else will.
- They’re counting on me.
- It’s all part of marketing my book.
- But I want to.
- I’m not getting any younger. [Tell me, is anyone?]
Recently, when my serenity was crowded out by busyness, I had a hard time hearing God’s voice. And I needed to. [Duh.] So I prayed for the Lord to speak loud enough for me to hear over the din of my daily activities. He gave me this personalized paraphrase of 1 Kings 19:11-14 instead.
Go stand over there and be quiet. Don’t check your email or Facebook and stay away from Pinterest. Wait for God to speak.
A reader posted a 5-star Amazon review and bolstered my hopes before God, but God wasn’t to be found in the Amazon review; after the review, a great idea for another writers’ event, but God wasn’t in the event; and after the great idea, positive comments on a blog, but God wasn’t in the comments or the blog; and after the positive comments, a gentle and quiet whisper.
When Clarice heard the quiet voice, she muffled her face with her great lap blanket, went to the mouth of her writing cave, and stood there. A quiet voice asked, “So Clarice, now tell me, what are you doing here?” Clarice said it again, “I’ve been writing my heart out for God, the God-of-the-Angel-Armies, because the people of God have turned toward the secular market, destroyed your places of Christian publication, and murdered the written word. I’m the only one left, and now they’re trying to kill me.”
Oh, the ego of it all! When I feel like I’m not able to give up some of my activities, writing or otherwise, because there is no one who can possibly replace me, that’s when I know I’m in trouble. OVERBLOWN EGO TROUBLE.
To make it right, I need to let go of my ego and refresh my soul. So now I’m waiting– really waiting– to hear the Lord’s gentle whisper.
Friends, this world is not your home, so don’t make yourselves cozy in it. Don’t indulge your ego at the expense of your soul. Live an exemplary life among the natives so that your actions will refute their prejudices. Then they’ll be won over to God’s side and be there to join in the celebration when he arrives. ~ 1 Peter 2:11-12 (MSG)
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The Conversation
Such good advice.
I need to take it too.
We’re in process of getting John to “retirement status” with Wycliffe by the end of this year. Lots of adjustments in our future.
Love,
Elsie
Transitions can be difficult. We pray for you both every morning.
Love, Clarice
You are spot-on with this one, my friend.
Wow. Arrow to the bulls-eye. This is terrific, Clarice.
Yes, God had the bow and the arrow, and I was the target.
Ever experienced this, Clarice?
You get the prompt from God to do something. In the course of doing it you encounter one roadblock after another. God clears each roadblock, but requires you to give Him your ego in return.
That’s how the long, drawn out process of writing my first book, and possibly last, has gone. The latest roadblock is ?????. Seriously? God gets me halfway through the copy edit and lets a string of surgeries wipe out my ability to finish paying for editing and publishing? Not how I would do it. That is why I am not God.
I am trying to raise funds using the Faithlaunchers crowd funding site. That’s not going to well. I am trying to make connections with people or organizations who would support the completion of the book. So far that has lead to a coworker, who was a pastor, teaming up with me. He wants to set up speaking engagements to create support for the book. Isn’t it supposed to be book first and then possibly speaking engagements?
A local news station interviewed me for a news series on suicide and other mental health issues that airs in mid-November. My editor, Jeanette Windle, and I were really hopingto have the book available before the series airs; probably not going to happen.
All that to say that my ego is definitely being kept in check.
Steven, I so get it. I believe you told me before that God directed you to write this book. Since you believe that to be true, then keep believing God has a plan for it. Waiting is harder than writing.